So you're Catholic and you're getting married? Wonderful! Congratulations. From a priest's perspective, here's a list of things you'll need to be aware of as you prepare your wedding.
1. Sacraments Take Time
I've been a priest for just a year, and still have a lot to learn. I still need to study, listen, learn and grow. I spent 6 years in formation for this sacrament that lasts a lifetime. I was ordained for life––and like me, you too will receive a sacrament for life––Marriage. But while I got 6 years of preparation, you'll be lucky if you get 6 days, let alone 6 hours. It's unfortunate, to say the least. If the Church thinks priests need at least 6 years.... how much do married couples need? Are a few meetings with a priest enough to prepare you for a lifetime of ministry in your new family? What will you do about that?
2. Try a Different Angle
At the beginning of his book The Everlasting Man, G.K. Chesterton suggests that one way to "come home" is to go around the world and rediscover home as the very thing one had gone around the world searching for. Often we reject what we know––or what we think we know––in favor of the exotic because we have not had the opportunity to see in a different light what is too familiar to us. Maybe Christian marriage and Catholic teaching about marriage and family is like this for you... maybe it seems so familiar that you've just about lost all interest––"Let's get on with it Father. What else do I really need to know anyway?"
Now, as you turn to the Church for marriage, consider "coming home" by taking a different angle, a new perspective, allowing for the possibility that what the Church proposes may turn out to be that exotic and, in fact, quite unknown destination we had sought all along.
3. "Love"Is Not Enough
A question on one of the inventories given to many young couples asks them to answer True or False to the following: "As long as we love one another there will be little or no conflict in our marriage." Many respond 'True'. Yet, the preferred answer is false. Turns out, Captain and Tennille were wrong, "love" will not keep us together. Well, not quite.
It's not that love is not essential. God is love. All who seek love seek God. And anyone who truly loves participates in God's own life.
The problem is we treat love like a fluffy feeling, not a participation in the life of God. And we seldom consider that it may be necessary to develop and mature in our love. We readily submit ourselves to all kinds of intense diets, training regimens, and leaping over hurdles for the sake of our careers, our figures, our dating prospects, our stock portfolios. Yet when it comes to something like marriage or family we presume all will be well, or if it isn't there's nothing that can be done. No need for learning, no need for improvement. No need for maturity and growth in virtue. Love is "there" or it isn't. Well... False.
4. You've Got Bugs on Your Windshield
I've been a priest for just a year, and still have a lot to learn. I still need to study, listen, learn and grow. I spent 6 years in formation for this sacrament that lasts a lifetime. I was ordained for life––and like me, you too will receive a sacrament for life––Marriage. But while I got 6 years of preparation, you'll be lucky if you get 6 days, let alone 6 hours. It's unfortunate, to say the least. If the Church thinks priests need at least 6 years.... how much do married couples need? Are a few meetings with a priest enough to prepare you for a lifetime of ministry in your new family? What will you do about that?
2. Try a Different Angle
At the beginning of his book The Everlasting Man, G.K. Chesterton suggests that one way to "come home" is to go around the world and rediscover home as the very thing one had gone around the world searching for. Often we reject what we know––or what we think we know––in favor of the exotic because we have not had the opportunity to see in a different light what is too familiar to us. Maybe Christian marriage and Catholic teaching about marriage and family is like this for you... maybe it seems so familiar that you've just about lost all interest––"Let's get on with it Father. What else do I really need to know anyway?"
Now, as you turn to the Church for marriage, consider "coming home" by taking a different angle, a new perspective, allowing for the possibility that what the Church proposes may turn out to be that exotic and, in fact, quite unknown destination we had sought all along.
3. "Love"Is Not Enough
A question on one of the inventories given to many young couples asks them to answer True or False to the following: "As long as we love one another there will be little or no conflict in our marriage." Many respond 'True'. Yet, the preferred answer is false. Turns out, Captain and Tennille were wrong, "love" will not keep us together. Well, not quite.
The problem is we treat love like a fluffy feeling, not a participation in the life of God. And we seldom consider that it may be necessary to develop and mature in our love. We readily submit ourselves to all kinds of intense diets, training regimens, and leaping over hurdles for the sake of our careers, our figures, our dating prospects, our stock portfolios. Yet when it comes to something like marriage or family we presume all will be well, or if it isn't there's nothing that can be done. No need for learning, no need for improvement. No need for maturity and growth in virtue. Love is "there" or it isn't. Well... False.
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Fr. Robert Barron (of Word on Fire) has noted that the spiritual life can be compared, in a way, to a windshield. Driving at night, as you get closer to a light, the brighter it gets, the more you see all the squashed bugs and scratches. But if you're driving away from the light, you don't see anything. Everything's fine. Whenever we approach the sacraments––like Marriage––we are essentially getting closer to God, who like a great light, shines on us. As we approach him our sins will be clearer. Yep, those sins. This is an opportunity not to be missed for us to heal, overcome and grow. In a word, to ready ourselves for that beloved to whom we want to pledge our whole lives. As you approach marriage, you also approach Christ, and in doing so you will be challenged to a radical love and faith. What will you do about that?
Last, check this video out:
